At times I feel guilty, that I have not done enough to help my daughter. It floods over me so fast, when I hear a statistic about the time line that the brain stops soaking in the most information, that I feel like I will drown. Oh and then there is the instant chest pain. I start questioning…between the ages of one and three did I let her watch too much TV because I could not cope with life? Did I read to her enough when I was trying to work from home and get her to doctors and therapy sessions? Was I patient enough with her when life was hectic? I know that I must use these questions to evaluate what I am doing now as a mom and learn important lessons of life but I also know that with God there is no guilt…let us always remember to pray against the guilt and pray that God will change our hearts and lead us to be the best parents we can be, the parents he wants us to be!

Then I let it all out; I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.” Suddenly the pressure was gone-my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared. (Psalm 32:5 MSG)

Guilt is banished through love and truth; Fear-of-God deflects evil. (Proverbs 16:6 MSG)

It was sin that made death so frightening and law-code guilt that gave sin its leverage, its destructive power. But now in a single victorious stroke of Life, all three-sin, guilt, death-are gone, the gift of our Master, Jesus Christ. Thank God! (1 Corinthians 15:56, 57 MSG)

You lifted the cloud of guilt from your people, you put their sins far out of sight. (Psalm 85:2 MSG)

Yesterday I had lunch with the mom of one of Tori’s classmates after we dropped the girls off at school. It was the first time we had any one-on-one time together and I found out that she is a believer as well! We enjoyed sharing and asking each other how we deal with specific situations. I feel like God has blessed me with a special friend, we had a real connection, thank you Jesus! I know it is hard to open yourself up to others when you are feeling pain or sadness but I encourage you to connect with other parents of special needs kiddos, you never know, you might find a really kindred spirit, someone you can have a deep connection with, who you can share your trials and triumphs with!

It is amazing that all it takes for me to have the Holy Spirit leading my life and my heart changing to be more like Jesus’ comes solely from believing the Gospel of Jesus Christ and not by being in bondage to the Law…trying to reach perfection on my own, with my own strength. I pray that I do not get so caught up in my “sufferings” and living by my “flesh” that I forget my Faith means God is leading me, strengthening me and changing me into exactly what He wants me to be!

Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the [Holy] Spirit as the result of obeying the Law and doing its works, or was it by hearing [the message of the Gospel] and believing [it]? [Was it from observing a law of rituals or from a message of faith?] Are you so foolish and so senseless and so silly? Having begun [your new life spiritually] with the [Holy] Spirit, are you now reaching perfection [by dependence] on the flesh? Have you suffered so many things and experienced so much all for nothing (to no purpose)–if it really is to no purpose and in vain? Then does He Who supplies you with His marvelous [Holy] Spirit and works powerfully and miraculously among you do so on [the grounds of your doing] what the Law demands, or because of your believing in and adhering to and trusting in and relying on the message that you heard? (Galatians 3:2-5 AMP)

I have to think that if God gave me all the answers to “Why God?” I may not believe I need Him as much as I do or have to put so much trust in Him. I was watching Joyce Meyer on TV one day and she said “trust requires having unanswered questions in our lives.” I’m trying not to ask so many why questions and remind myself that God’s plan is way more complex than I can fathom. Trust in God is the only way to find peace in this life on earth!

For in Him does our heart rejoice, because we have trusted (relied on and been confident) in His holy name. (Psalm 33:21 AMP)

Blessed are those who do not see but believe. John 20:29

And all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing. And He does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth, and none can stay His hand or say to Him, What are You doing? (Daniel 4:35 AMP)

“When you begin to fix your thoughts on how much Jesus loves you, fear will have no place in your life. God’s love for you is revealed in the promises He has given you through Jesus.”
Connie Witter from Because of Jesus.

Wow! I’m so thankful that God led me to this study, I really needed the reminder that God loves Victoria and wants His best for her. Thank you Jesus for continued encouragement and reminding me that I have nothing to fear because you are in control!

In this is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation (the atoning sacrifice) for our sins. (1 John 4:10 AMP)

…for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] (Hebrews 13:5 AMP)

… for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (1 Peter 5:7 AMP)

Cause me to hear Your loving-kindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to You. (Psalm 143:8 AMP)

Accordingly God also, in His desire to show more convincingly and beyond doubt to those who were to inherit the promise, the unchangeableness of His purpose and plan, intervened (mediated) with an oath. This was so that, by two unchangeable things [His promise and His oath] in which it is impossible for God ever to prove false or deceive us, we who have fled [to Him] for refuge might have mighty indwelling strength and strong encouragement to grasp and hold fast the hope appointed for us and set before [us]. [Now] we have this [hope] as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul [it cannot slip and it cannot break down under whoever steps out upon it–a hope] that reaches farther and enters into [the very certainty of the Presence] within the veil, Where Jesus has entered in for us [in advance], a Forerunner having become a High Priest forever after the order (with the rank) of Melchizedek. (Hebrews 6:17-20 AMP)

I cannot seem to shake this overwhelmed feeling that I have had for the last couple of weeks. I would not say that I am completely depressed (my medication for PTSD and anxiety help with that) but just feel like there is a cloud hovering over me everyday as I am faced with the reality that Tori’s disability is always going to be there (unless God decides to heal her) and how often she falls and is off balance. Lord please help me to rely completely on you for peace and strength. I cast all of my cares on you and know that you care for me and Tori and have a plan for our family. Take these burdens from me Lord for I know that you are in control!

Here are the verses I am reading today.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] (Matthew 11:28 AMP)

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (1 Peter 5:7 AMP)

For I know the thoughts and plans that have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP)

Blessed and enviably happy [with a happiness produced by the experience of God’s favor and especially conditioned by the revelation of His matchless grace] are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted! (Matthew 5:4 AMP)

Thank you Lord for your Word and the encouragement it brings to my soul! Help me live beyond my human feeling and emotions! I feel better already…