When I am reading a book or devotional or watching a sermon on TV about worry being sin and how we should not stress about life I often wonder if those doing the teaching have children with special needs…I know everyone has problems, but as a mother it is awful watching your child struggle wondering if it is in God’s plan that they will ever walk. I also know that I should not see normal the way society does. God has is own plan but you show me one mother with a child with special needs that is not, at times, heart broken watching their child struggle.
I believe God has a plan for Tori and is in control but I still have flash backs to the NICU.
I believe God will heal her but I still cry when I watch her struggle.
I believe God is in control but wonder how long it will take for her to be healed.
I believe God will give me strength to make it through the days in and out of doctor’s and therapist’s office’s (it is the only way I survive) but I still have anxiety attacks.
Does this make me a sinner? I feel like a broken person who is depending on God to make it through each day. I pray I will learn to trust Him more, worry less and that He will increase my faith. After all, He knew struggle and pain when he was on earth so even though I may not think other humans completely understand my struggle I HAVE to trust that God does, it is all I can do.
Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon us and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds. (Hebrews 12:3 AMP)
Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] (Hebrews 13:5 AMP)