Victoria was born in late 2008 and by 2011 I was a complete mess. The first part of last year we had family around and that was distracting enough but when we moved to California last year it was a whole new ball game. I want to share how I was feeling in September 2011, this is what I wrote in my prayer journal:

I feel:

Loneliness-loss of Robert for daily support (he had been home quite a bit until then because he was a full time student and could go to therapy and doctors visits with me but no longer could when he started working full time.)

Hurt-taking Tori to doctors visits and therapy sessions are just reminders of the past.

Loss of normal pregnancy and not getting to be a “normal” mommy.

Overwhelmed by the magnitude of her care/research.

I get easily angry and frustrated.

Helplessness-I am not a professional therapist.

I made a decision then to start praying: I believe that because of your stripes I am healed from hurt and pain! I will dwell on the good things in life! I trust you with this situation! I know you will strengthen me! I know that you care about me affectionately!

He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:24 AMP)

In the day when I called, You answered me; and You strengthened me with strength (might and inflexibility to temptation) in my inner self. (Psalm 138:3 AMP)

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (1 Peter 5:7 AMP)

It is not always second nature for me to think on these prayers and scriptures but I hope it will be some day! I try my best to remember to think on Jesus and all the promises I have in Him throughout the day. I can tell you this, I feel much better than I did in September 2011, thank you Jesus!

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