I cannot seem to shake this overwhelmed feeling that I have had for the last couple of weeks. I would not say that I am completely depressed (my medication for PTSD and anxiety help with that) but just feel like there is a cloud hovering over me everyday as I am faced with the reality that Tori’s disability is always going to be there (unless God decides to heal her) and how often she falls and is off balance. Lord please help me to rely completely on you for peace and strength. I cast all of my cares on you and know that you care for me and Tori and have a plan for our family. Take these burdens from me Lord for I know that you are in control!

Here are the verses I am reading today.

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] (Matthew 11:28 AMP)

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (1 Peter 5:7 AMP)

For I know the thoughts and plans that have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. (Jeremiah 29:11 AMP)

Blessed and enviably happy [with a happiness produced by the experience of God’s favor and especially conditioned by the revelation of His matchless grace] are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted! (Matthew 5:4 AMP)

Thank you Lord for your Word and the encouragement it brings to my soul! Help me live beyond my human feeling and emotions! I feel better already…

I was looking back through my prayer journal this morning and some scriptures on faith stuck out to me…Lord I have faith that Tori will be healed! I hope these scriptures encourage you as well this morning!

And Jesus, replying, said to them, Have faith in God [constantly]. Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, Be lifted up and thrown into the sea! and does not doubt at all in his heart but believes that what he says will take place, it will be done for him. For this reason I am telling you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe (trust and be confident) that it is granted to you, and you will [get it]. (Mark 11:22-24 AMP)

And this is the confidence (the assurance, the privilege of boldness) which we have in Him: [we are sure] that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us. And if (since) we [positively] know that He listens to us in whatever we ask, we also know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that we have [granted us as our present possessions] the requests made of Him. (1 John 5:14, 15 AMP)

I have been feeling really troubled lately with the things that are going on with Tori, I have let my emotions get the better of me.  Today I was reading Ephesians 6.  Below is what is encouraging me today!

¹⁰In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [be empowered through your union with Him]; draw your strength from Him [that strength which His boundless might provides].

Also…

John 14

¹DO NOT let your hearts be troubled (distressed, agitated). You believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely on God; believe in and adhere to and trust in and rely also on Me.

Scriptures were taken from Ephesians 6 and John 14, the Amplified Bible.

I’m having one of those weeks…or months…reliving things, explaining things…I pray tomorrow (who am I kidding!!! the next month or year) is better and that God gives me inspiration and encouragement!

This week I am trying to figure out if my daughter has a speech delay or apraxia of speech…hope to find out more on Monday when I meet with the school SLP…and I am wondering if she needs a special diet to build muscle tone because of the CP??? She hasn’t gained any weight since November:(. Will put her back on pediasure tomorrow…

Lord please lead me to the right “word” tomorrow!!!

So I began feeling sorry for myself today because I have a bruise on my face from being kicked by a large shoe and orthotic, not intensionally of course, just one those things that will happen when you have a child who does not exactly know where their limbs are in space all of the time. Poor me, poor me! I know it is natural to have these feelings since I am only human but I hate that in that moment I chose to think of myself instead of my child who struggles to get around all day and who is not at fault for this life she has been given. I pray God will help me think more on the good things, will make me more mindful of others instead myself and more humble like Jesus.

And He died for all, so that all those who live might live no longer to and for themselves, but to and for Him Who died and was raised again for their sake. (2 Corinthians 5:15 AMP)

Bear (endure, carry) one another’s burdens and troublesome moral faults, and in this way fulfill and observe perfectly the law of Christ (the Messiah) and complete what is lacking [in your obedience to it]. (Galatians 6:2 AMP)

Let each of you esteem and look upon and be concerned for not [merely] his own interests, but
also each for the interests of others. Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:] Who, although being essentially one with God and in the form of God [possessing the fullness of the attributes which
make God God], did not think this equality with God was a thing to be eagerly grasped or retained, But stripped Himself [of all privileges and rightful dignity], so as to assume the guise of a servant (slave), in that He became like men and was born a human being. (Philippians 2:4-7 AMP)

Little children, let us not love [merely] in theory or in speech but in deed and in truth (in practice and in sincerity). By this we shall come to know (perceive, recognize, and understand) that we are of the Truth, and can reassure (quiet, conciliate, and pacify) our hearts in His presence, (1 John 3:18, 19 AMP)

Victoria was born in late 2008 and by 2011 I was a complete mess. The first part of last year we had family around and that was distracting enough but when we moved to California last year it was a whole new ball game. I want to share how I was feeling in September 2011, this is what I wrote in my prayer journal:

I feel:

Loneliness-loss of Robert for daily support (he had been home quite a bit until then because he was a full time student and could go to therapy and doctors visits with me but no longer could when he started working full time.)

Hurt-taking Tori to doctors visits and therapy sessions are just reminders of the past.

Loss of normal pregnancy and not getting to be a “normal” mommy.

Overwhelmed by the magnitude of her care/research.

I get easily angry and frustrated.

Helplessness-I am not a professional therapist.

I made a decision then to start praying: I believe that because of your stripes I am healed from hurt and pain! I will dwell on the good things in life! I trust you with this situation! I know you will strengthen me! I know that you care about me affectionately!

He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:24 AMP)

In the day when I called, You answered me; and You strengthened me with strength (might and inflexibility to temptation) in my inner self. (Psalm 138:3 AMP)

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. (1 Peter 5:7 AMP)

It is not always second nature for me to think on these prayers and scriptures but I hope it will be some day! I try my best to remember to think on Jesus and all the promises I have in Him throughout the day. I can tell you this, I feel much better than I did in September 2011, thank you Jesus!

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