A Premature Birth: A Rough Start to Motherhood | Baby

A Premature Birth: A Rough Start to Motherhood | Baby.

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Strengthened and reinforced by God’s mighty power

Tori had an appointment with her PT on Monday and she told us they would prefer her to be in a wheelchair instead of a stroller until she is able to walk, I cried right there in therapy. I find it so hard not to feel sorry for myself sometimes but I have to live in reality about our situation if I am going to help my child in the best way possible. It is hard not to feel sorry for yourself when you are constantly reminded you have a disabled child. Lord please give me strength and peace today!

I wanted to pass on some of the scriptures I read today that gave me hope and reminded me that God loves me infinitely and is at work in my situation. I especially love verse 20.

In Whom, because of our faith in Him, we dare to have the boldness (courage and confidence) of free access (an unreserved approach to God with freedom and without fear). (Ephesians 3:12 AMP)

May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the [Holy] Spirit [Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality]. May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts! May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, That you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints [God’s devoted people, the experience of that love] what is the breadth and length and height and depth [of it]; [That you may really come] to know [practically, through experience for yourselves] the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled [through all your being] unto all the fullness of God [may have the richest measure of the divine Presence, and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself]! 20 Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]– To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it). (Ephesians 3:16-21 AMP)

I pray that I (and you) will be constantly reminded of God’s love for us today and this knowledge will give us true joy and peace in the midst of our struggles.

Pondering Crazy Love

I finished the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan last night.  I really enjoyed reading it and it made me ponder a lot of things about how I am reading the Word and putting it into action in my life, but when it got to chapter nine on “people who sought to live their lives fully surrendered to God”  I had to take into consideration that none of them were married or had kids, as far as I could tell anyway (am I wrong?).  I admire these people…let me make that very clear.  These comments are not in any way intended to diminish the amazing and selfless things they did for God and humans.

Here is my delima…while I am trying my hardest to become a mature Christian and stop getting off track just because life gets hard I feel like I am in need of ministry still.  We are looking for a church to go to in our new city and one of the biggest things to consider for us is if the children’s ministry has a program for disabled children and I would desperately like to find a church with a good women’s Bible study.  I do, in my quest to be a more mature Christian, want to find ways to give to others of my time and money except I do not have much of either.  I don’t have time to volunteer at the homeless or women’s shelter with all my running around to doctors, therapists and school.  I feel I am just trying to survive myself.  My husband and I are working hard to stop surviving and start living, but that  just gives us enough light and inspiration that our daughter can have more of a normal mom and dad type instead of ones who feel weighted down by the whole world.  I do depend on the Holy Spirit to guide me and as my other posts have said I depend on Jesus to get through every day, it’s the only way I survive.

I was excited about readying Crazy Love and having more confirmation of God’s love for little ‘ole me, but I wasn’t ready to hear that I should be giving away all I have when we as a family are just trying to get through the day and give our child the most love and help we can.  Does not God call us all to different walks of life?  And give us different gifts from the Holy Spirit?  Are we not all living completely different and complex lives?  I do not understand what it is like  to have a normal developing child nor what it feels like to be abandoned by my husband but those who do have those experiences do not understand my life either.  I am not trying to feel sorry for myself or ask anyone else to.  I am living in reality and ask all to respect that.  I just feel like my biggest responsibility is to my husband and my child, after all God did say to be fruitful and multiply!  On another note, in response to a section in the Q&A of Crazy Love, I DO believe chemical imbalances in the brain can effect a person’s life dramatically.  I DO NOT think that is blaming someone else for ourselves not living the way God wants us to, it is a sickness.

So is the way I am living un-Jesus like?  Am I displeasing Him?  Am I missing something?  Maybe I should read the book again…

If there is anyone out there reading this please challenge or encourage me!

On to Ephesians

I have finished Hebrews and have decided to read Ephesians next. Below is my prayer adapted from the Amplified version of Ephesians 1:17-19.

Grant me a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You. Flood the eyes of my heart with Your light so that I can know and understand the hope to which You have called me and how rich Your glorious inheritance is for me. I want to know and understand the immeasurable, unlimited and surpassing greatness of Your power for me because I believe!

I hope to remember all day God’s great power and that He can help me through whatever I face. He is there to be our source of help and peace! I have been feeling sad about Tori not walking yet, I do not want to get discouraged though. I have to remember God has a plan and His ways are perfect! I pray we can all keep our eyes on Jesus today instead of our emotions and that we will find true joy and peace in Him!

January 25, 2012

My company is gone so I am back to blogging, and studying the Word.

My daughter has this book called 100 Ways To Know God Loves Me that we read before bed. Last night’s reading covered some big issues for our family at this time in life…

Hope (related to the story of Jeremiah): Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. (Psalm 62:5 NIV84)

Joy: yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. (Habakkuk 3:18 NIV84)

Peace (relating to the difference between temporary happiness and true joy from God): Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27 NIV84)

Rest: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28 NIV84)

The big four were right there together last night…i found inspiration from a children’s book. Sometimes it’s so simple but yet we think these things are complicated to attain just like our lives are complicated and spinning rapidly. My prayer today is that I can take a deep breath and get my hope, joy, peace and rest from God alone and not try to depend on myself. I can only have these things by total dependence on Jesus Christ. Lord, help me remember to look to you throughout the day!

Patience…

is what I need today!

Clothe yourselves therefore, as God’s own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper]. (Colossians 3:12 AMP)

Lord, please help me to be kind and patient today…I need your power to endure whatever struggles and frustration come today!