Jesus knew pain too…

When I am reading a book or devotional or watching a sermon on TV about worry being sin and how we should not stress about life I often wonder if those doing the teaching have children with special needs…I know everyone has problems, but as a mother it is awful watching your child struggle wondering if it is in God’s plan that they will ever walk. I also know that I should not see normal the way society does. God has is own plan but you show me one mother with a child with special needs that is not, at times, heart broken watching their child struggle.

I believe God has a plan for Tori and is in control but I still have flash backs to the NICU.

I believe God will heal her but I still cry when I watch her struggle.

I believe God is in control but wonder how long it will take for her to be healed.

I believe God will give me strength to make it through the days in and out of doctor’s and therapist’s office’s (it is the only way I survive) but I still have anxiety attacks.

Does this make me a sinner? I feel like a broken person who is depending on God to make it through each day. I pray I will learn to trust Him more, worry less and that He will increase my faith. After all, He knew struggle and pain when he was on earth so even though I may not think other humans completely understand my struggle I HAVE to trust that God does, it is all I can do.

Just think of Him Who endured from sinners such grievous opposition and bitter hostility against Himself [reckon us and consider it all in comparison with your trials], so that you may not grow weary or exhausted, losing heart and relaxing and fainting in your minds. (Hebrews 12:3 AMP)

Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] (Hebrews 13:5 AMP)

I have healing on my mind this morning…

My daily reading this morning was Hebrews 11…but now I am thinking about healing for my daughter. Below are the scriptures I’ve just read to encourage me. I know that my salvation includes healing, for me and my family!

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise. (Jeremiah 17:14 AMP)

And the prayer [that is] of faith will save him who is sick, and the Lord will restore him; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. (James 5:15 AMP)

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and well-being for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole. (Isaiah 53:5 AMP)

BLESS (AFFECTIONATELY, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul; and all that is [deepest] within me, bless His holy name! Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not [one of] all His benefits– Who forgives [every one of] all your iniquities, Who heals [each one of] all your diseases, (Psalm 103:1-3 AMP)

He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:24 AMP)

I remember watching a message by Joyce Meyer a couple of months ago on healing and her saying “even if we can’t see what’s happening, God is working!” (she may have said it slightly different). This gave me rest, knowing that even though I cannot see with my human eye what is going on inside Tori’s body, God is in control, he is our healing and he will do what he promised. God gave us many promises, we just have to have faith! I know that is sometimes easier said than done but if we can learn to keep our eyes continually on Jesus we will find hope in Him and those promises. Today I am praying for all you parents out there with children who have special needs. I am praying that we can all trust and hope in God for healing, and SEE even the small miracles that God chooses to do.

January 12, 2012

I am finally drinking my first cup of coffee, at lunch. Tori did not sleep well least night, again, so we had a late wake up and barely made it to occupationally therapy to work on feedings. I was having trouble waking up on the drive there and kept praying “Lord give me strength, I am not wonder woman and please remind me that I do not have to pretend to be!”

After therapy we headed straight to school (Tori attends our school district’s special education preschool 4 days a week). Again the prayers for strength started flowing when I realized that I had not even prayed for my daughter to have strength…she is the one who’s body is physically challenged everyday to do things that it does not want to do! Lord forgive me for thinking of myself first!!!

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency]. (Philippians 4:13 AMP)

Thank you Lord for your strength!

January 11, 2012

I’m having my coffee and reading my Bible attempting to get some energy for the day ahead of me and Tori:

Breakfast: do we eat eggs and struggle with using a fork (tremors are worse in the mornings and night) or should I spare myself those emotions and let her eat muffins and fruit with her hands?
I need strength: The Lord is my strength and my defense: he has become my salvation Psalm 118:14 NIV
Salvation:help, deliverance, safety, welfare, victory. I’m avenged, defended, rescued. BLB Lexicon.

Theratogs: remember not to ask her to be still when I’m struggling to get them on her, the reason she wears them is because she has poor balance and cannot stand completely still.
I need patience: Clothe yourselves therefore, as God’s own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly option of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper]. Colossians 3:12 AMP

Orthotics: even though she doesn’t like them and she is going to scream she will get use to them and in Jesus name they will help her to walk.
I need hope: NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses]. Hebrews 11:1 AMP

Lord give me your strength today! Increase my faith and hope.

A blog to encourage…

other parents of children with special needs, or really anyone that needs encouragement, to hope in faith and in return increase our faith so that we can hope even more…and have peace.

I am on a journey to trusting Jesus Christ with ever fiber of my body because I need his strength to get through the days taking care of my precious child who is developmentally delayed and has mild cerebral palsy. My aim is to share what insights I gain in my daily walk with God that produce the hope, faith and strength I need to make it as a mother to a special needs child. I hope all who read will find encouragement in the scriptures I will post in the future.